The Phrases given by My Dad That Helped Us when I became a First-Time Father

"I believe I was simply just surviving for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience rapidly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her main carer in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You need assistance. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a wider failure to communicate among men, who continue to hold onto negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a display of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to take a respite - taking a couple of days overseas, away from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I think my role is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."